In a very distant and far, far away land known as the United States, there once lived a shoemaker named Schlaschleschlischloschlu. Schlaschleschlischloschlu was a failed abortion, and his parents named him Schlaschleschlischloschlu in hopes that he would commit suicide at an extremely young age because children are very expensive investments. Growing up, everyone made fun of Schlaschleschlischloschlu, but not because of his incredibly strange name. Everyone made fun of Schlaschleschlischloschlu’s incredibly large ears that extended to his ankles and his unusual habit of wiggling those ears in a fashion that caused his inexplicably long ear lobes to jiggle like the derriere of a thick, busty Brazilian night club dancer. Schlaschleschlischloschlu was also particularly unpopular because he always insisted on being called Schlaschleschlischloschlu in its entirety, but everybody just called him Samantha. Schlaschleschlischloschlu really hated being called Samantha, and he would often act in an unnecessarily aggressive manner towards anyone who called him that. However, everyone called him that. Usually a conversation with Schlaschleschlischloschlu went something like this.
“Hey Samantha, how’s it going?”
“My name is Schlaschleschlischloschlu.”
“Right… I’m going to leave now.”
“Go fuck yourself in the asshole with a rusty, tetanus-ridden garden rake, and then shove that rake down your mother’s whore throat before shredding her internal organs into a meaty paste of intestines, Jerry.”
“Woah. That was uncalled for, Samantha.”
Schlaschleschlischloschlu proceeded to use his inexplicably long ear lobes to constrict Jerry’s arms and strangle his neck as if he had tentacles sprouting from the sides of his head like something out of the dream of a strange 32 year old American man who lived in his parents basement and spent 18 hours a day watching Japanese television cartoon shows for children while dressed in an extra extra large sized My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic limited edition Twilight Sparkle costume. The police quickly arrived at the scene and arrested Schlaschleschlischloschlu for murder, but when the trial occurred, the court registry couldn’t fit Schlaschleschlischloschlu’s name onto the official record because his last name was Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. His great grandmother was Mary Poppins. Because they couldn’t fit Schlaschleschlischloschlu Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious onto the record, the judge decided to sentence Schlaschleschlischloschlu Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious to a Seaworld Aquarium Tank for the next 25 years. Schlaschleschlischloschlu Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious was forced to survive on fish and tread water for 25 consecutive years. Schlaschleschlischloschlu Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious quickly became Seaworld’s most popular attraction because people often mistaked him for a horribly deformed squid on account of his horribly deformed ears. Unfortunately Schlaschleschlischloschlu Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious died a day before his release was scheduled. And so the moral of the story is to always clean up after your pets when you bring them to the park.